We go through change constantly. Our moods are deforming as we move through the seasons, our relationships to ourselves and others will soften a million throughout our lifetime, and we'll hopefully experience all the ups and the downs in a way that will allow us to change the way we see and experience our journey. So why is change so important but yet something we often are frightened by?
Taking a moment to reflect about what's important is key. To have a think about where you are, where you want to be and what you'd like to change is something that I highly value. Having dreams and goals (in a healthy way) without living a life of constant grasping and wanting more, say; a bigger pay check, a better yoga mat or maybe a more beautiful flat. Of course we need that bit of Rajas (passion and drive) to move forward. But I also know it's very, very easy and comfortable to stay in a situation even though we're not happy in it. With that being said, I'm not promoting to execute drastical changes due to lack of happiness one week at work or a couple of days with your partner - absolutely not. Change is needed when it gets to the point where it drains you and you forget about who you are. When you're so caught up pleasing other people, when you're working so hard you don't know when to stop and when you deep inside know that what you're doing isn't right. If you find yourself in a situation where you think you need change, the first step would be to reflect. It could be something so easy as to make a pros-&-cons-list. Once that's done, digest on it. Have a good, long think about how the situation affects you and what it would look like if things were different. Allow yourself to get used to the thought of change in the scenario, it will take time. The big changes in my life this year (that I will tell you about further down) was decisions that took me three months to take and commit to. When digesting and reflecting over your current, 'not wanted', take a moment to show gratitude for it all. Even though you aren't happy at, lets say work, your work place has still helped you in one way or another, same with maybe a partner or a house. It's easy to exclusively see the bad things when it gets darker and the mind is clogged up with the negative aspects of the situation. To be thankful for it all will make it easier to actually take the big step and move on.
Sometimes we crash. And it's often unexpected. I find living in a big city where it's full on 24/7 we often forget to think and listen to our bodies. Our body is constantly communicating to us in several ways, but unfortunately a lot of us have created habits to ignore it. Yoga is a way for us to turn inwards and listen to our bodies, a way of checking in. Without any distractions from the busyness of life. Sometimes we'll have breakdowns on the yoga mat, sometimes epiphanies. It's a place for you to actually have a good think and feel what your body has been trying to communicate to you for a while. We must care for ourselves in order to truly care for others.
Leaving a comfort zone is hard. Of course it is! I mean you are leaving what you know, right. That could be everything between simple routines, to big life decisions. Remember, when you have to work hard for it, the outcome often tastes better. Living in the unknown like that might feel like you're getting lost. But when we get lost, we also get found - in one way or another. You choose through what perspective you want to view the change in. I had a teacher when I was fourteen that told me "Dijana, whenever you're unsure, always remember to ask yourself 'what's the worst thing that could happen? You're not going to die". I was fourteen!! Haha. I still remember me sitting on the table in that old classroom chatting to my teacher, Anna-Lena, when she told me that. I've been practicing to put things in perspective every since. So even if it feels hard to crack on, remember that it will be worth it, once you're there and it will all be worth it. And one day you'll look back and understand why all of it had to happen.
As I write this I know it is such a privilege to even be able to go through change like this. "Just" moving flat, "just" leaving a job, "just" selling some clothes. It all comes back to gratitude. Knowing that even though things are hard, it's a massive privilege for some of us to even be able to think in the terms of change like this. There's so many people that wouldn't be able to do any of it due to a thousand different reasons. Acknowledging your privilege will allow you to put things in perspective and again be thankful for what you are, what you have and what you are allowed to do in this life.
As we are coming to an end of 2017 I have spent some time reflecting over my year. The beginning of the year was an absolute shit show as I nicely like to call it. It started with a break up, followed with me being absolutely miserable at work and the tension created there seemed to follow me home. The lack of love for what I was working with grew stronger, merged together and created lack of love for myself. I was spiralling. Even though we've been through hard times before, being in the middle of the storm with feelings of anxiety and loneliness, might make it hard to remember that the dark emotions won't last forever. Even though that is the case. And I will forever thank my loving mom for ensuring me that throughout the years. I kept believing that the universe that was testing me. And that was it! I decided to see it as a challenge rather than allowing myself to drown in the emotions. I kept coming back to the thought that this is a test to see how much I could handle. And if I go through this, something great will come back to me. I knew that the change I needed wouldn't arrive on a silver plate. I had to go out there and create what I wanted, not just dreaming about it. So I escaped London to Sweden to recharge, take a break and place myself in a nature where I would feel safe to dissolve. I was processing and processing, crashed a couple of times, felt drained and sad. I got lost and found. I allowed myself to feel it all. Not holding any emotions back, as I knew that the feelings would express itself like a volcano and explode one way or another if I didn't deal with it. So I did. I felt it all. Then I started to plan. The plan turned into action and my life has changed drastically since. I left my job in Shoreditch, I moved out from my flat in London Fields and I healed from the relationship that wounded me. Taking the decision is the hardest part. To make you mind up and commit fully, I found was harder than taking action. I remember I couldn't sleep, I would stay awake trying to figure out where I could live, where I would get money from and how to move from A to B. I kept coming back to 'the universe testing me' which made me feel safe, and I often laughed at the situation because I was never really sure if I set myself up for success or failure. I just continued and believed that it all would make sense in the end. So I moved out from my flat. I left to Croatia for three weeks without a place to come back to or a secured job - hoping that things would fall into place and believing that this would be the ultimate test. And it was. Just like that, the universe decided that seven months of challenge was enough for this year and it was time for same stillness after the storm. My life has fallen to place again, and I am waking up feeling pure happiness daily.
Some of you might be thinking, what is she on about, universe here and there. Haha I get it. Whatever will keep you going and works for you is what matters. Everyone is so unique and different, with different beliefs, experiences and dreams. Just remember that you are the only one that's in control of your life. We have the responsibility to respond and take action. Even though it might not always feel like it. Especially when we only see the darkness and the bits that are holding us back. We are so blessed to have this one sweet life on earth in this body. So follow your gut, intuition and heart. It will be worth it.
Let's experience every part of life. The ups & the downs, the laughs & the tears and everything in-between.
Maybe this is the sign you've been waiting for.